The Film Father - Making an Offer You Can’t Review

Starring : Cailee Spaeny, David Jonsson, Isabel Merced, the ghost of Ian Holm Directed by : Fede Alvarez Where It’s Available : Hulu in the US, Disney Plus in Canada and international territories. When I heard that Fede Alvarez (director of the recent-ish Evil Dead remake and, more recently, the intense “blind man kills a bunch of young no-goodniks” thriller ‘Don’t Breathe’) was helming a new addition to the Alien franchise, my interest was piqued, but tempered. This is, after all, a franchise that hasn’t had an arguably ‘good’ film since David Fincher’s ‘Alien 3’ 30 years ago for Pete’s sake (I see you, ‘Prometheus’ Stans. … you’re very, very wrong. But I see you). Colour me happily surprised when this film jumps out of the gates with a neat concept (anti-capitalist heist film gone *horribly* awry) and great action set pieces. I can say with all honesty, final act missteps aside (we’ll touch on those) this is the third best film in the Alien franchise (behind the iconic, genre-definin...

Last year was … a lot. In a lot of ways. But a good portion of the time I wasn’t decrying the imminent collapse of civilization, I played video games. Quite a few of them, as it turns out.  As has become my wont, I will list here the games I ‘finished’ in CALENDAR YEAR 2024. Again, underline and bold that first part - the games did not have to be released this year (and you’ll note quite quite a few of the games on this list *weren’t*). A few honourable mentions to start with: these are games I’m currently playing (and enjoying) so you’ll see these on my 2025 list, but I’ll note them now so that you know they exist and are relatively worth your time: Indiana Jones and the Great Circle (2024 - Microsoft Studios / Machine Games, on Xbox, PC and Gamepass), Dragon Age: The Veilguard (2024 - EA / BioWare on Xbox, PC and PS5) and Astro Bot (2024 - PlayStation Studios / Team Asobi on PS5). 14. Hellblade 2: Senua’s Saga (2024) - Microsoft Studios / Ninja Theory, on Xbox, PC and GamePass : ...

  Starring : Lacey Chabert, Dustin Milligan, Craig Robinson, Joe Lo Truglio Directed by : Jerry Ciccorriti Where It’s Available : Netflix! This is one of Netflix’s now-annual disposable holiday films. Chances are, if you’re planning on watching ‘Hot Frosty’, you know what to expect. Netflix has been aping Hallmark for a few years now, releasing several saccharine, treacly holiday-pap-fears disguised as original movies in November and December. They all seem to be connected, too, which is completely needless, yet fun (my friends and I call it the ‘NCU’ Netflix Christmas Universe). This film is very much one of those - honestly even dumber than the vast majority of them. But it’s also utterly harmless and not without its charms. The story as it stands: Lacey Chabert plays Kathy - stop me if you’ve heard this before - a small town widower who has given up on love and has lost the Christmas spirit. That all changes when (here’s the catch) a magic scarf she is gifted by a friend of hers...

  Starring : Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Adam Scott Directed By : S.J. Clarkson Where It’s Available? : Crave in Canada, Netflix in the US and other territories. Okay. I’ll get this out of the way straight off the bat - So this film is… a mess. That’s probably not a surprise to those of you who are reading this. But what really shocked me is the level of nonsensical batshittiness that permeates it. This isn’t a fault with the direction, exactly - some of the action sequences and special FX look pretty cool, actually. But the script and some of the post-production decisions are utterly baffling. If you’re hoping to spend five minutes reading as I break down in great detail the nuances and twists of the deep and thoughtful plot of ‘Madame Web’, let me stop you right there. This ain’t that. But if you want to hear me drag a film for some of the most absolutely absurd and asinine dialogue and decisions I’ve heard in a film this decade? Then read on. High level - thi...

Starring : Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, Emma Corrin, Matthew McFayden and a bunch more you’re probably best to not know about until you see them for yourself. Directed by : Shawn Levy Where It’s Available : Movie theatres! (I actually went to one. I’m as shocked as you are) Also Disney Plus around November or so I guess? Well, it’s happened. The Merc with a Mouth dropped over 100 f-bombs paid for by the Mouse House. The film is big, bombastic and chockful of cameos, in-jokes and meta-narrative and it’s backed by one of the most eclectic soundtracks you’ll ever see. And it fucking ruled. Deadpool & Wolverine opens with Deadpool visiting Logan’s grave from.. well.. ‘Logan’ (spoilers for a 7 year old comic book movie classic, sorrynotsorry). Some.. things happen and then Deadpool finds himself engaged in an adventure across the multiverse. Honestly, talking about the plot is effectively impossible because half the fun is seeing who shows up and what happens. Suffice it to say that - a...

Starring : Jake Gyllenhall, Daniela Melchior, Conor McGregor (!), Post Malone (!!) Directed by Doug Liman  Where It’s Available : Amazon Prime It takes a lot for a movie to surprise me nowadays. I’m not talking about plot twists or swerves, I mean more in the “Wow, this movie was shockingly (good/bad) and I wasn’t expecting it.” It pleases me to say that Doug Liman’s remake of Roadhouse starring a very likeable (and *hot*, my god - he’s got more abs than Finn Balor - wrestling reference. Use the Google and you’ll see what I mean) Jake Gyllenhall surprised me in the best possible way. Now let me get this out of the way - is the film ‘good’? Well…it’s competently made. Gyllenhall smiles at the camera with just enough charm. Conor McGregor is… well, he’s terrible, but he is terrible with an effusive charm that’s forgivable. I think calling it ‘middling’ would be fair as far as technical showpieces. BUT, is the movie *entertaining*? As someone who appreciates goofy B-movies (and the P...