Hot Frosty (2024)
Directed by: Jerry Ciccorriti
Chances are, if you’re planning on watching ‘Hot Frosty’, you know what to expect. Netflix has been aping Hallmark for a few years now, releasing several saccharine, treacly holiday-pap-fears disguised as original movies in November and December. They all seem to be connected, too, which is completely needless, yet fun (my friends and I call it the ‘NCU’ Netflix Christmas Universe). This film is very much one of those - honestly even dumber than the vast majority of them. But it’s also utterly harmless and not without its charms.
The story as it stands: Lacey Chabert plays Kathy - stop me if you’ve heard this before - a small town widower who has given up on love and has lost the Christmas spirit. That all changes when (here’s the catch) a magic scarf she is gifted by a friend of hers who runs a second hand clothing shop ends up turning a very attractive snowman (dude literally has abs carved out of snow - the artist clearly had a mark they were aiming for) into a Real Boy. This Snow Man (natch), played by Dustin Milligan (a fellow who I know nothing about other than the fact that he has eight abs and very large teeth) wins the hearts and minds of the town with his effusive charm and can do attitude - and eventually melts Kathy’s heart and restores her Christmas spirit. … yeah, that’s it. It’s batshit. There’s no sense pretending otherwise.
The Good: Craig Robinson is almost always a delight in most roles- and his gig as Nate, the over-bearing small-town sheriff is no exception. He’s the opposite of the Pontiac Bandit. Hard-nosed. Gruff. No fun at all. (The fact that his running buddy is another Brooklyn 99 alum, the illustrious Charles Boyle - Joe Lo Truglio - is a fun bit of stunt casting as well) In addition, Kathy sees Lindsay Lohan on-screen and remarks that she reminds her of a girl she went to high school with. And there’s a minor character in middle school - a redhead named Cady. They go hard for the Mean Girls references and I’m here for it.
The Bad: I’m… not sure what Dustin Milligan’s pedigree is, but he’s definitely not the most charismatic actor on the planet. For something this dumb to really work, you need to believe that his Jack Snowman (seriously - that’s how he’s credited) is *really* that charming for everyone to fall in love with him. He’s got about as much juice as four litre jug of milk that’s been left out in the sun for six hours.
The Ugly: Old-ass women lowkey sexually harassing Jack while playing for laughs is.. a thing. I get it - the stereotypical audience for these films will probably chuckle, stow it away and then never think on it again. And there is definitely nothing egregious about it. But in a film meant to be heartfelt and charming, the lasciviousness is.. a little odd.
Is It Safe for Kids?: Sure. Absolutely. There’s not a single bad word. The closest we even get to PG-13 is when Jack first turns into a human and is running naked through the town while various ornaments and winter clothing conspicuously cover his naughty bits. Now would kids actually WANT to watch this? Your mileage may vary, I guess. There is one cute subplot involving a middle-school Christmas dance, but it doesn’t pop up until halfway through the movie. It really depends on their attention spans, I guess.
The Verdict: Netflix Christmas Universe films are typically disposable, holiday treacle. Good for a single watch on a weekend evening with an egg nog (with spiced rum?) while the wind whips outside. This is unquestionably One Of Tjose - and Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio are enough fun that they almost make up for the fact that the two leads have as much chemistry as Jesse Pinkman before he meets Walter White. 5.5/10.
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