Roadhouse (2024)

Starring: Jake Gyllenhall, Daniela Melchior, Conor McGregor (!), Post Malone (!!)

Directed by Doug Liman 

Where It’s Available: Amazon Prime

It takes a lot for a movie to surprise me nowadays. I’m not talking about plot twists or swerves, I mean more in the “Wow, this movie was shockingly (good/bad) and I wasn’t expecting it.”

It pleases me to say that Doug Liman’s remake of Roadhouse starring a very likeable (and *hot*, my god - he’s got more abs than Finn Balor - wrestling reference. Use the Google and you’ll see what I mean) Jake Gyllenhall surprised me in the best possible way.

Now let me get this out of the way - is the film ‘good’? Well…it’s competently made. Gyllenhall smiles at the camera with just enough charm. Conor McGregor is… well, he’s terrible, but he is terrible with an effusive charm that’s forgivable. I think calling it ‘middling’ would be fair as far as technical showpieces. BUT, is the movie *entertaining*? As someone who appreciates goofy B-movies (and the Patrick Swayze schlockfest that was the original 1989 film definitely would qualify) I can say unequivocally- yes. It’s big, loud, dumb and wooden in all the ways 80s action films used to be. An homage in the truest fashion.

The story, such as it is, involves Gyllenhall’s Dalton - a disgraced ex-UFC fighter - who is inadvertently drafted to become the bouncer at a seaside cabana bar in the Florida Keys because reasons. He beats people up. He kisses the girl. Conor McGregor is the Big Boss final fight he has to deal with. That’s really all you need to know. The film isn’t particularly long on story or gravitas - what it does well, however, are kinetic action fight sequences. Liman’s energy and camera work has always been a strength (you may forget because Paul Greengrass’ handheld shaky-cam became synonymous with the Jason Bourne films, but Doug Liman actually directed the first film) and he has fun with it here. He switches camera perspectives in a fun way and the action feels frantic but never unable to be followed.

The Good: One real delight is Jay Hieron as ‘Dax’ the low-level mook turned peacemaker turned almost de facto confidante for Dalton. In their first encounter Dalton breaks his arm (only after confirming that there’s a hospital nearby in a rather humorous exchange) and then every encounter afterwards he becomes increasingly jovial towards Dalton. The last time you see Dax on-screen, he sees Dalton dragging a dead body - one of Dax’s ex-crew members - and remarks, “Wow. He’s dead huh? He sure looks heavy. Good for you!” It’s stupid. But it’s funny. Which is a pretty good analogy for the film overall. 

The Bad: Daniela Melchior’s acting as Dalton’s love interest, Ellie is more wooden than a northern BC sawmill. And Conor McGregor’s first turn in front of the camera just has him cackling like a maniac and emoting wildly - you don’t know.. is he angry here? Happy? Maybe bit of both? It’s bad. I’m making a rather bold statement in predicting this film will not be nominated for any Oscars.

The Ugly: The first time we meet McGregor’s ‘Knox’ he says ‘arrivederci’ to his Italian lover in an accent so bad it could probably be considered a hate crime.

Is It Safe For Kids?: Umm… not young ones, certainly. There’s violence and a fair amount of swearing. But it’s also so bloody stupid, it’s no worse than watching AEW on a Wednesday night. Call it a solid 14A.

The Verdict: So this movie is not good. But it’s also not bad, exactly. It’s certainly better than I was expecting from a direct-to-streaming dead-of-winter release. Gyllenhall is charming. Liman’s action direction is very competent and engaging. And for UFC fans, it might be worth it to see McGregor make an ass out of himself on-screen for half an hour.  Have a couple of beers and turn your brain off for two hours. There are far worse ways to spend a Saturday night. 6.0/10